I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
