i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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