threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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