Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Two words: blizzard sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
