He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
