I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
