her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
