The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize