I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gift wrapped bread.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
