I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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