half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
