my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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