oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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