i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
