I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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