How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
