his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize