i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
