Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
