I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize