i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
