The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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