The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
