im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
