i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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