Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
