last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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