My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
