just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
