Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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