You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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