I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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