I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
