Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize