wakey wakey hands off snakey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
