tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
third nipple confirmed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
