Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
