Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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