Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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