how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
