I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
