I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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