I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
