I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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