i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
