i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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