Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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