I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
