Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
