so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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