When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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