would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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