When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hippo gnu deer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's official drugs can't kill me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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