So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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