Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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