Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i now understand why vodka
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
