I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
