I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
