I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
