there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
