i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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