1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
not ubering you a puppy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
