the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
