I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
