So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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