What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
