That's intense
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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