I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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