oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And then he peed in my hair
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