If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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